Note to self

Life has been quite unsettling,imagined yourself being bring back to the very first few days of your nursery school days. They tend to have many awkward moments and pauses as trying to figure out.True,I am still feel a little out of place, and sometimes more terrified that i dare to admit.Much has been said it is the first impression that make it count,and one chance to BINGO. Who knows what kind of footprints or impress i have left since the days back,perhaps years.

There are this black and white corners where pain and regret kept.Maybe you can try everything to save it,or just watch it burn infront of you. Though i think that the reality will always weigh you down,and have to react differently,as there is always a price to be paid.

Come across this quote-In life you will realise that there is a purpose for everybody you meet.Some people are there to test you,some will use you,some will teach you,and some who bring out the best on you.

Damn.

Damned.

Damned.

2012

I always wonder why bird stay in the same place when they can fly. Then I ask myself the same question

Every person need a best friend to make her laugh when she think she will never laugh again. Forget what hurt you in the past but never forget what it taught you.

......................

If life is so damn fuck, you fuck it up higher!
What will make me smile now is not the boy in gym i can see each day, but is lying down on my bed knowing i have no deadlines, test, presentation to rush.
This is the way to say 'fuck you' to pharmacy sometimes.
I hate the way you drive my life.

Circle of life

Greeting cards from the loves

Wow. Time really does fly. And so do many things in our lives. That is the reason why is it called the circle of life. It always doesn't have a starting and an ending point. The same apply to friends. They come and they go.Looking back through my contact list, i am actually know who i still keep in touch with but how many friendships were just remain the same again as last time. But we keep them as our treasure loves, once they are kept they are meant to be stay. 

 Notice board from Jeanie

Isn't it good to have someone serenade you to sleep? =P

The great new companion-vivian =)

Conversations with people always contain simple messages and meeting with new friend is always lovely with the late night chit-chat and warm concerns.

Last but not least, a simple AWESOME messages from the housemates. 

Erm...perhaps she will never know that i can put her photos here actually beside fb. xD

Pink and purple

You are,
sunken
drunken
Hungry for sparks
an appetite for memory
Tell me your way of sorrows
the explosion
loud and vivid
is a sudden burst of heartbreak of a hollow glow
Me
breathe
the color of envy
trouble thoughts and tired mind
one year in every summer
I manage it
the sour inhales
vanish into bubbles
You dip to the city of romance
the sparkle and scent of brand new place
with an abandoned hug

a demand that diverge 

a spoken sympathy for now

She alone
bleed and burn
for the hearing of heart
it melts to a shriek
She turn for the bleeding air
dark as the mystery of a daydream
lost for some moment
The second time for she
to last it out and not come back at all
shut into an edgy
As you cannot find
and will not fight
a way for this
She is consumed
don't let the moment slip
as is hanging by your heartbeat
the forgetful that give on those ledges

bla bla bla

Better days are coming. I can feel it. At least i survived through this 5 days lab straight this week. Will probably collapse to the bed after each day.

Life has been humdrum. Sometimes when I study or attend boring classes I just feel like screaming out loud. Information just wouldn't absorb, and with all the long hours and stupid labs I get frustrated with myself easily. And ended up hitting the gym to release all these anger out, getting lost in good looking boy or whatever that i actually can being in peace with myself.

I hate studying. I hate it. But i love learning. Is different! For me this two are different, like so much.Fucking shit that i am always doing the former one than the second.

Crap crap crap soon.I am going to my dreamland again with the boy images. Dot dot dot....

What the eye doesn't see, the heart doesn't grieve over

The idea that the heart doesn't grieve over what the eye doesn't see is importantly different.But what of the things the eye not only doesn't see, but will never see? The unfaithfulness that forever remains a secret, the lies that never get back to me, or any other thoughts and sharing i have about ourselves or others? What is the point of bringing these truths to the attention of people when they will be hurt, if they will be happier not knowing? Sometimes i think ignorance is bliss but is a fool paradise.

It is surprising how much i think i know about myself, but in fact i actually don't. I hardly know the reflection point that is keep starring right back at me because i never bother to resolve them. Reality always is the wake up call. This is my third year doing this course, i haven't been doing anything much beside feeding all the crap loaded in the modules. I don't like going for boring classes and end up slaving myself during the lecture hours,i get nothing beside wasting the time, i just deciding to throw the lectures to the dustbin. I neither find it boring or i just finding excuses to myself, it can be attributed to the very lack of efficiency as opposed to the amount of every lectures.

What went wrong? I cant seem to connect the dot dot dot in mine. Why did i dip myself in pharmacy anyway? I am not a genius in drugs, the money isn't the factor anyway. I am not a bright student, neither a quick learner, i might need to spent triple hard work compared to others.  I don't have the qualities captured for being a good pharmacist, communication isn't my capabilities neither.  To search for the faults,I actually wanted to do crime scene investigation [ too much drama resulted ] where decease are monarch. Lol. This time i might be studying and communicate with the death one which i probably find it more interesting.

Dot dot dot.

The peoples

I like to day dream, to stare out of the window and think of ' What if ' , that was why i ended up getting a small notes written as-' Dont stay in the dream for too long, WAKE UP' inside the fortune biscuits during our CNY home dinner. [ Everyone burst into laugh ]. I have been sitting in the journey of life for quite some time, forgetting to ask myself to stop by and enjoy the bits of sceneries that flashed by. Finally, i stopped and asked myself what was missing. I don't know, i hardly see or reach it, or even feel it. But i NEED it.

The manja one

Maybe i have got what i want, but just need to connect the dot dot dot.
Connecting.

Tumblr

Dream within a dream

Was watching Inception for the second times,  nurtured by the genius of Christopher Nolan and with the excellent cast headed by Leonardo DiCaprio.

This is the very few movies that i will watch it over and over again. Despite knowing little about the movie beyond its premise, i have been having hard time explaining this film and how i admire Nolan thinking for creating the world of Inception. Perhaps have you ever have this kind of brilliant craft before? 


Inception is the act of going into a person's dream and planting an idea, where they create the world of the dream and bring in the subjects into the dream, and the subjects who will  fill it with their subconscious. It discusses the nature of reality and the fact that what we believe to be true is nothing but our brain's interpretation of what it perceives our world to be and that our mind can perceive illusions as real and create physical reactions that respond to what it creates. 


I think i am having  difficulty explaining the plot. But is a well worth movie if you are willing to sit down for 148 min and twist your mind for it. 

Thoughts

Dear yling, please do something more interesting and get out of this black and white lifestyle.

I am finally done with exams!( Okay, that was like one week ago) Woohoo. All i did was writing a lot of rubbish  throughout the essay questions. I hate it when we always don't get answers to questions. Not to say all the stupid coursework. They are not fully trusted marked. Past papers have no answers. Even you have, that will be the answers that you attempted yourself, and don't even know whether is correct or wrong.

That is Uni i guess.

Post-exam syndromes
-REALLY free
-Sleep at 10 pm and wake up the following day at noon.
-Resist travelling because i just want to get pigheadedly ( as always ), ended up watching Hong Kong drama Cant buy me love, and finished the 30+ episodes in 3 days. In fact is a nice funny drama. Good laugh.
-Reading unnecessary stuff,(Oh well, i didnt actually say is philosophy book! ) You can actually do argument with this book when you have nobody to argue with! They have their way of challenging thinking.
-No Coke! But due to the inbalance diet during exam period, i have a lot of fruits accumulate-18 apples, finish them in **** days. Still, till now not yet.

Note:Doing nothing is a much underrated inactivity.We have this kind of mind that 'something must be done', and it is worth stopping to ask why. Action is the enemy of thought sometimes. It may make us feel that we are dealing with the problem but in fact you might be making it worse. The bias towards action over inaction is extremely important.If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

It may be a wrong thinking. Just a page i came over when reading this book. I think- just because something isn't broken,it doesn't mean we should want it as it is.

Burnt

Slept for 5 hours plus today. The longest sleep in 3 weeks time? I cant remember.

There is only 1 left, one very last but tough Pharmacy Practice paper for me which require a lot of reading and general knowledge. And i am terribly sucks in  this. And then i am done for Sem 5!  Can you believe this? As in 5 subjects in 3 months time. You are gonna be kidding me.

I think i might gain weight in this month, exam period. And WTF i care about it. Huhuhuhhu

Pre-exam symptoms
-Oat with 3 Nutella bread,cereal bar,and milo/coffee for breakfast. And within one hour during the exam my stomach start rambles and scout for food.
-Cook for 3 days food in one time. And microwave / heat it for lunch and dinner. Okay, i know this is very very not healthy.
-It is 2/3 in the midnight. I am doing the boring revision with Mars/Snickers/Boost/Yorkie instead of fruits.
-To get myself alert, think that coffee cant help anymore, i move to Coke. And i finished 3 bottles in 3 days.

For the post-exam symptoms, think i might get to reveal them soon. But it will be much more healthy and interesting than this fucking life. I should say i will open my arms wide to welcome my normal life and start with some non-academic stuff. *cough cough*

Dang dang dang. See who is here? =))))

Hmmm of course i am not the most excited one. My unit is so so so happening, instead of the normal 4 peoples, it came to 6 now with 2 couples' fireworks explosive charge ! Sorry Maymay, I know your unit might be very plain and dull now. ;D

For the past few weeks i felt like i was some atomic bomb which is waiting to explode anytime soon. Maybe the stress level peaking high till the best friend also know it. And there she gave this song. 

I can only say that my heartbeat that time was even higher!

But thanks Jyun. 

I told mom that i have this kind of lifestyle during the exam period, because the time problems and your daughter is stupid and need more hard work compared to others, and she told me it was okay as long as you are not abusing alcohol. ( Since when la >.< )

People you can't live without

  

   I love my housemates,just as how i love my family. 

P/s: I like crapping non-sense sometimes, cause it wake up the stupid brain cells.

Happy New Year

If you ask me how i pass by the last minute of 2010 and the one minute to 2011, i would say i been surrounded by books and notes. But when the clock strike 12 midnight, it is undeniably that there is one force which push me walk into 2011 being in peace with myself because i truly know what this year had give me, and i know what  the year ahead will be.

2010 New Year 

My favorite quote for this year- Life isn't about finding yourself, life is about creating yourself. And based on that perceptions, i recalled what 2010 had given me back, trying to figure out whether i can still remember the up and down behind each memories and stories, or perhaps i should say how i embrace 2010. And based on the self-reflection, 2010 has been a messy and troublesome war, with not fulfilled destiny and the lack of passion to achieve them, splurged with unnecessary balance.

Before proceeding any further, i would like to say that 2010 has its own history and there is no right or wrong, every little count, the whole notion hardly affected by the imperfect, but the progress ad personal growth from it can be checked from the narratives behind each scar and experience. To me, i have spent some days talking to myself about the fears and shine, the good and the bad, figuring out whether i get to learned from the past. It involves stripping pass those cant reset button but going on with the check list.

I bring this up because i couldn't help but to move on. I admire the determination of some of my friends who set the aspirations and achieved the goals, nor it in what way. But mine can never be so no matter how i try hard for it. My years are like a typical student- feed on the books more than others. What i am embark on might be knowing trusted friend, where love and support posed, and guide me whenever i gone wrong. I started my A-level with a non-direction kid, just as any other who first left home. But these 2 years were the encounter one, and where i realised there can be nothing that i couldn't do, both academically or otherwise. My heart take me to where i am now, although i am still yearn for things that i cannot achieve and taught to embrace the university life which i fell in love with ,and  pretty much call this place home. But there were nothing which i couldn't give up to, be the only child in the family, i was cognizance on my responsibilities, and i know the inflection point. I felt trapped within the aspirations as I can no longer sustain it despite i want it.

I appreciate your love and friendship

But there is this saying, every exit is an entry somewhere. I swallow my pride and start creating a new one. I have a reset button in fact. But i know what to preserve, what to destroy and what to create.

So for this year, no new resolutions set because i know what to stop and what to continue behind each stories  , I will color the dream for sure.

Happy New Year!

Getaway

The trip to London at Christmas was great. London is a shopping heaven i would say, not so much on the scenery. It was a place that all of us fell in love with especially during this boxing day,with all the up to 70% discount. Very enjoyable ( esp when you can get the things that you demanded long time ago in a affordable price). There was no plan initially as where to start, but all based on the map, truly no constant on-the-go planning, indeed it was good. The most unlucky was the strike action which affected the train schedule, so mostly was walking around London instead using public transport. Truly exploring holiday.

Due to the budget, we searched for the cheapest hostel for accommodation, which explained the good and the bad. The hostel rewarding some good live show, which you can see the angmo making love anytime,anywhere, even in front of you. One of the funny incidence was to check out the toilet for their after used condom which is pretty hilarious. And without all these, the hostel seems to be a dead place,which i bet no one will ever want to stay at it again.

I was with one of the loveliest group of people which made the trip even more meaningful. So much of sharing, so much of laughter, so many hilarious and sarcastic talk.     ( I can know how Zicky likes to listen to people ML-ed in a toilet ).

And thanks everyone for making the trip a relaxing and enjoyable. It was really awesome. Now that i am back to reality. Reality like to sink in somehow. Exam are in 2 weeks time, but i barely touch the books. I cant seems to find the motivation.

The best part of a relationship, is getting to call the person, or lay down next to them, and tell them all the craziest stuff that happened to you all day long. In the end that's what it is about. It's not about sex, not about the money they give you, not about how much you owe them, not about how good looking,rich they are. It is about them listening to you talk for hours and hours and hours, about stupid shit that doesn't matter and all the crapping. 

Torn.Away

Once i have made decision and promised i will never let myself fall into the same situation and never let them take me alive. Apparently it struck and yet the dignity refuses to give in. The feeling is suffering. And the greatest is i give up when i push myself too much, in fact i found out that i actually remain silence whenever i discovered something that i refuses to know it. Suffer. Keep going. Sometimes, it takes just a little to remind how much i have. Yet, i always feel that the next day will surely be a beautiful one.

However, i actually find a rubbish collector for it.Perhaps i think her smile will just heal every moment to happiness. (sound gay) There were no one who would agree for her crazee sports routine. In fact, there may be reason behind. =P

                                                                      Jo Lene, the sayang angel 


A girl who let me waited for few hours, and get back to me with her drunken look and strong alcohol smell.
A girl who like to listen to EMO song when she is sad.
A girl who i get to know more at the end of sem 4, which is so not enough.
A girl who i think that deserve to be happy and can just screw people up because she deserve for it.
A girl who share the same thought and perspective of  l***
A girl who share her stories and secrets when they lying down on the bed together.
A girl that express her feelings deep and cry in front of me.
A girl that i can trust on ( you betta be!)
A girl who i gave a big hug when i listen to her speak.
A girl who has lots of romantic projections and fishing skills.
A girl who i know deep down that she loves me,and vice-versa

( All these came with a little bit of perasan-ess. Just a little huh)


In fact there are more which i cant scramble all here, and i cant bring myself to talk to her . I miss you darling.

Rambling

I could not bring myself to update this blog as it will made me realised how shit my life is. Shity is because with all the test going on, and university has been shut down three days for the SNOW. A good excuse for being lazy. Inefficiency. Unproductive. Uncompetitive. Insignificant life. In fact i see it this way.

People can lead their life as a lie, and i am forced attempting the answers. I guarantee you, it is better this way. And it's not the fear of knowing the answer, or i am incapable of loving because i can.It is just that if ever demand for a honest answer, you would like to know that you will be in all this pain. You chose not to know the fact and accept the fate.

There are a lot of things i do not notice. But when i take an observe on them, i will store them in my heart. That is an ideal choice for me.

I dont even know what am i thinking. Yeah the mood came again.

Tong Hua (童话) Cover - English/Chinese + Violin/Trumpet by Jason Chen & J...

How i wish i could sleep with my dream, and it turn up to be the real that i wish. But reality sink in. Ah... life! The days that filled with passion,motivation seems so far from me now, and i struggling to find them back. Faith lies. Blame on the winter sonata/ christmassy feel with singing fairytale of New York here.

Haha. Being lame again.

Note: I hope i survive through the week.

Determination

wheel number from E and M-P on Vimeo.

Ps: You have got to get up every morning with determination if you are going to go to bed with satisfaction.

Seasonal Affective Disorder

Isn't it good to have someone with you during this time?

Note: The lost me.Gotta do something about it.